第94部分(第2/7 页)

incere

regret　I　felt　at　that　moment　because　I　hadn’t　read　the　Koran　for　so　long；　or　the

horror　of　the　crime　I’d　seen　at　the　coffeehouse　that　night；　but　when　my　turn

came　to　speak；　I　grew　confused；　my　heart　quickened　as　if　I’d　e　under　the

threat of some danger； and as nothing else came to mind； I simply said the

following：

“You remember those verses at the end of ”The Cow‘ chapter？ I’d want

most of all to depict them： “Oh God； judge us not by what we’ve forgotten

and　by　our　mistakes。　Oh　God；　burden　us　not　with　a　weight　we　cannot　bear；　as

with those who have gone before us。 Forgive and absolve us of our

transgressions　and　sins！　Treat　us　with　mercy；　my　dear　God。”“　My　voice　broke

and I was embarrassed by the tears I shed unexpectedly—perhaps because I

was wary of the sarcasm that we always kept at the ready during our

apprenticeships　to　protect　ourselves　and　to　avoid　exposing　our　sensitivities。

I thought my tears would quickly abate； but unable to restrain myself； I

began　to　cry　in　great　sobs。　As　I　wept；　I　could　sense　that　each　of　the　others　was

412

overe　by　feelings　of　fraternity；　devastation　and　sorrow。　From　now　on；　the

European　style　would　be　preeminent　in　Our　Sultan’s　workshop；　the　styles　and

books　to　which　we’d　devoted　our　entire　lives　would　slowly　be　forgotten—yes；

in　fact；　the　whole　venture　would　e　to　an　end；　and　if　the　Erzurumis　didn’t

throttle us and finish us off； the Sultan’s torturers would leave us

maimed…But as I cried； sobbed and sighed—even though I continued to

listen　to　the　sad　pa